Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
