bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
