Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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