She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize