Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
