do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
