My pussy is not your playground.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
