worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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