Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
