I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
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I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
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I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Send help, water and tortillas.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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