im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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