Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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