it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
