at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
