with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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