I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
