I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
