I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
