Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
