your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
