ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
there is glitter all over my balls
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
