Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
