Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
