That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
