My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
