if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It all started with a game of naked twister.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize