i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
