What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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