I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i wish my penis had a tongue
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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