I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
