Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
