come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
