it's too hot outside to masturbate.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
