Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
