Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
