When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
no more duck duck goose at the bar
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
