Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
