i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
