I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
