the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dicks are not precious.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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