Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
