big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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