I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
