Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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