you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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