She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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