You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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