Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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