Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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