That's intense
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
