I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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