how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
