I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Rumble strips road head = magical
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
