Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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