Nicole vs. Life
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
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When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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