Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
