Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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