dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
