Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
