I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
