It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
