sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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