Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
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