I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
