Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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