3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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