come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And then my night got REAL pukey
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
