my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
