____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's rum buckets o'clock
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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