Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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