Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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