there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
