I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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