so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
